Dear Stuart Varney/Fox News: Fuck You

Fox News (herein reffered to as Faux) is such a propagandistic pipeline of inane right-wing Christian ideology, overt bigotry, and sheer stupidity I'm amazed this shit actually passes for "news."  Faux News has, in the past, debated such non-issues as sexual content in the video-game Mass Effect, and my favorite man ever, Bill "WE'LL DO IT LIVE" O'Reilly even bothered  to tell us how "inappropriate" it was for a school to vote a lesbian couple as cutest couple in their yearbook.Faux News has pissed me off a lot before, but this video makes me want punch a hole straight through my screen.

Watch the video that made me RAAAAAAGE Click here!

HAHAHAHAAAAA!!! HE CALLED EUROPEAN'S PAGAN LOSERS!!! OMGROFLMAO!!!11!!one!! US AMERICANS ARE SO SUPERIOR BECAUSE WE WORSHIP JESUS AND CAPITALISM.  Don't believe in the same invisible man as me?  Guess what??? You're a loser! And not a TRUE American.

Let me list the ways this is fucking stupid:
1. What the fuck does a religious "discussion" have to do with BUSINESS.
2. When he says "pagan losers" note the smug smile of the guy on the right, and the golden torture device around the neck of the bimbo on the left.  Not only are US AMERICANS ethnocentric, ignorant, and proud of that fact, but we also wear Jesus jewelry!!! As if Jesus, the man who--if he existed--said "It is easier to lead a camel through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom," would actually want you flaunting your faith in him through the use of a decorative precious mineral. Bling for Jesus is not Biblical! So please, go ahead and laugh until your large pearl earrings fall off from the weight of your superiority complex.
3. "Europe's move to secularism, and away from Christianity, may have something to do with their economic problems."  Hmm.... Varney, look.  Excuse me if I'm wrong, but didn't the global economic crisis start right here in God Bless America?  You know what, we had better add new religious controls to US immigration laws.  You see, if more non-christians come to the US, even if they are skilled workers who plan on keeping the money circulating through the local economy, the US economy will get worse because God is angry that they don't worship Jeebus.
4. They get a smug Catholic priest to comment...  Sooooo asking someone who is guaranteed to agree with your ethnocentric/religious preconception of European's and secularists as "pagan losers" is fair and balanced?  
5. "Pagan losers....I think that's an apt description of Europe."
Step 1: Go to Europe---(Actually, better to just skip this step)
Step 2: Read Ephesians chapter 6, and then put on my Armor of God over my bunched-up panties of assumed moral superiority.
Step 3: Make a "business segment" pandering to an ignorant majority.
Step 4: Profit!!!! Thank you Jesus for blessing America, your favorite country!  We'll never turn from you!
6. I have a theory...maybe if people didn't waste billions of dollars feeding their delusions and giving their money to institutions that pay no taxes, perhaps that money could be better spent elsewhere and we'd really see some economic improvement.
7. "If a culture says 'God we don't want you', what is so special then about human beings?"  Umm....you got me there, Priesty.  You see, since I don't believe in invisible, omniscient, omnipresent, omnibenevolent beings with poorly defined and contradictory characteristics simultaneously anthropomorphized and plagiarized or adapted throughout millenia of conquering and cultural osmosis, I clearly don't believe in human dignity.
8. Apparently if you don't believe in Jesus, you can't find any dignity in work of any sort.  So, someday if a cure for cancer is invented--statistically speaking--the scientist who invented it likely does not believe in Jesus,  and possibly not any god at all.  But this man or woman who cures cancer clearly did not search for a cure because he or she finds dignity in the work and believes humans are special.  Nope...only Christians believe that.
9.  The priest is saying human beings are special, have value, and are worthy.  Doesn't his own religion state we are abominations?
10. "Paganism is really worship of false gods."  Hey everybody! I dismiss everyone else's deities for no reason and then accept my own deity with no evidence at all, and then proceed to base my entire life around it and brainwash other people to believe it so that they too make decisions based on the bad data I have supplied them.  I'm intelligent, and a true American!
11. "They worship the earth.  Environmentalism is a religion to those people."  And even if it were a religion to them, this is bad because...???  After all, we don't need to worry about the environment, the world is going to end and Jesus will rapture us away.  So go ahead and pollute!  Ironically, Varney, you have at least 3 religions you hold dogmatically: Christianism, Nationalism/Patriotism, Capitalism.
12. Secular = no hope?  WTF!?!?!  I have hope...I hope that one day we'll never have to bear witness to such astounding stupidity on national tv, ever again.
13. "Socialism is morally bankrupt....Capitalism is highly moral."  Varney...I knew you were dumb before, but now... I may need to see if you ever passed high school.  Well, since socialism is morally bankrupt, I guess when your house is burning down we won't have that socialist fire department come to put out the fire.  If someone commits a crime against you, we'll forget about having those socialist police investigate it.  And you know what else?  We may as well auction off your car for charity, you won't be driving it on those socialist roads.  You see, Varney, those three things I just listed that you take for granted....yeah, they are socialist institutions.
14. I'm only half way through the video at this point in the list, and this is after being selective....literally EVERY sentence that these people are saying is the highest degree of retard:

Click here before continuing

15. Since literally everything they say the whole time is "full retard," I leave you, the dear blogue reader with this: don't watch Faux News. Any other news source you watch, approach everything you hear critically, please.  The reason atheists are afraid to come out of the closet in this country is because of Christlers like the ones at Faux News.  In the word's of Chris Carter from the Varney video: "I can't even dignify this entire segment with a response."